It’s not always easy to deal with an extended family, and mother-in-laws tend to get a bad reputation. Although it may seem like it should be natural to automatically like and appreciate the mother of your spouse, that’s not always the case. So what do you do when you have problems with your mother-in-law?

There are a lot of great tips to help people get along with a difficult in-law, but perhaps the most important is to make sure you have the full support of your spouse. If your mother-in-law doesn’t show you the respect you deserve, talk to your significant other and explain how you feel. Be very cautious when you do this; remember that while you may be upset, you are talking about the other person’s mother.

With luck your spouse will understand and want to work with you to create a solution. The methods people use to do this will vary, but the end result should be that your spouse makes it clear to their mother that she is expected to treat you with kindness, avoid constant criticisms, include you in family activities and make an attempt to fix the problem. Talking about the situation is often the best way to begin; you may even be surprised to discover that your mother-in-law didn’t realize that tension existed between you two. If she was aware, a conversation with her child could be a great start towards building a better relationship.

Another essential approach is to set boundaries for the amount of time you spend around your mother-in-law. You and your spouse have created a new family, and it’s important for all of your in-laws to give you time and space to build your own life. Every couple needs to figure out what works for them – whether it’s only visiting in-laws on holidays and special occasions, planning regular get-togethers, or a more open door policy – you’ll want to establish your personal borders and be certain that everyone understands and sticks to them.

Married couples should also spread the joy to their relatives. The only time some people talk about their partner is when they are venting about an ongoing problem or recent fight. Remember that if your mother, or any other relative, only hears about the bad aspects of your marriage, it will probably taint their opinion of your spouse. Talk about the good times, express your joy over reconciliations and make sure the people from your “original” family know how happy you are with your “new” one – and that you are all part of the same family now.

The responsibility to keep the peace is not only on the children. Mothers should work hard to be gracious and help make their son or daughter-in-laws feel welcome. No mother wants to alienate her child, and sometimes that means putting in a little extra effort to be friendly to a new addition to the family. With a little patience and pleasantness moms may realize that they truly appreciate their new in-law. Putting in the effort to build a solid and happy extended family is always worthwhile.

At PeopleFinders.com we celebrate families of every kind. That’s why we work so hard to help you find people that you’ve lost touch with, whether it’s a mother-in-law, another relative or an old friend. We wish moms with married kids a very happy Mother-In-Law Day, and we thank you for reading the PeopleFinders People Search blog.

Life can be difficult for everyone when a stepmother or stepfather is added to a family. Children may be resentful of the “new” person and feel they are trying to replace a birth parent. Adults may have a completely different parenting style than what the family is used to, and that can lead to a great deal of conflict. There is no easy solution that works for everyone, and some experts claim that it takes a minimum of four years for any stepparent to earn a positive relationship with their stepchildren.

Every type of “blended” family must go through a period of adjustment in which they learn to live and evolve together happily. There is help; websites like The StepFamily Life offer a variety of links and resources that offer tips, advice and suggestion on how to turn a newly extended family into a cohesively functioning unit. It can be a long and ongoing process, but bringing an extended family together in a loving and nurturing atmosphere is well worth the effort.

National Stepfamily Day was founded by Christy Borgeld in 1997. Her goal was to champion and celebrate extended families in the United States, and she has been very successful. Borgeld has received support from government officials all throughout the nation, and even from former U.S. Presidents (including President Ford and President Clinton). She has also been honored with a Congressional Award in the field of Parenting, and her holiday was added to the U.S. Congressional Records in 2000.

September 16 is now a nationally recognized day for honoring stepfamilies everywhere, thanks to Borgeld’s efforts. To celebrate, she encourages people to enjoy a picnic with their extended family members, either in a park or their own backyard. However you choose to recognize this time for stepfamilies, we hope you will take a moment to reflect on how important each person in your family is to you. Family members don’t always get along – step or otherwise – but the important thing is to work together and build loving relationships with the people who share your lives.

At PeopleFinders we encourage and respect families of every kind. If you have a family member that you’ve lost touch with, biological, step or otherwise, we are here to help you find people and reconnect. Take a moment to celebrate your extended family on September 16, and thank you for reading the PeopleFinders People Search blog.